Planting Tomatoes, Mounting Cabinets, and Worrying About Degenerative Brain Disorders

I've been holding off on planting my seeds because everything about the land is so incredibly uncertain--we're not yet sure where exactly our two acres will be.  We know the general area but the exact property lines won't be clear until we get someone out to survey the land.  So of course we haven't been able to break any ground yet for the garden.  Some progress was made today; M had a preliminary meeting with the surveyor's assistant to let him know where the general area is that we are talking about.  But the actual boundaries won't be determined until next week. In the meantime, the growing season is marching on.

I got my seeds in the mail a few weeks ago from the Seed Savers Exchange.  I wanted heirloom and open pollination seeds so that I'll be able to save the seeds for next year's garden.  I hesitated to buy too many things, given that we we'll be starting from scratch this year, but it was difficult.  I ended up buying two varieties of tomatoes (both for eating, but one also for canning or freezing); cucumbers; yellow, green, and winter squashes; onions; oregano; dill; red, green, and yellow beans; parsley; some kind of hot pepper; and a few kinds of flowers--cosmos, marigolds, and morning glories. These are all things I've grown before, though not all from seed and these are all are new varieties for me. 

Yesterday when I went to the big box store to get seed starting materials (trays, seed starting mix, peat pots), I couldn't resist some spinach and lettuce seeds.  The heat spikes really early in the spring/summer here so I'm not even planning on putting these things in the ground--they'd just shoot up and go to seed.  Instead I'm thinking of keeping them in pots on my porch in Maryland which has partial shade.  

I've also been working on my house trying to finish some of the renovations we started a few years back.  There are bottom cabinets in my dining room that I assembled a few months ago. They're more or less propped against the wall, resting on feet made from found scraps of styrofoam, and the tops are covered with a random board and a piece of cardboard, not exactly an elegant solution but what the hell, it works.  The cats have a place to eat where the dog can't get at their food, and the cabinets are filled with spices and canned goods.

I now need to unload the cabinets and mount them permanently to the wall.  I also need to add real feet and a more permanent counter top.  I have the mounting hardware but needed to cut it to the appropriate lengths.  I found the hacksaw in the basement but the blade wouldn't cut the metal.  So--more purchases from the big box store:  a hacksaw blade in the right grade to cut metal.  I've cut the pieces and I'm trying to get up the gumption to unload the cabinets and mount the metal hardware.  I hate finding studs; stud finders never freaking seem to work.  I'm more partial to the thump-the-wall-and-listen method. 

I also had my most recent infusion of Orencia today, and a visit to the therapist.  I'm making the rounds to all my medical people.  I've been overdue for some follow up visits (I was supposed to see my neurologist two months ago, after I had a hospital visit with a possible flare of my possible multiple sclerosis, but hey stuff happens), and I want to let them all know where I'm at:  namely, at the end of my professional working career.  I just can't do it no mo'.  So far, everyone's been sympathetic and supportive.   Over the last week or so, I've been to see my neurologist, rheumatologist, primary care physician, psychiatrist, and therapist.  I've also frequented the pharmacy, the infusion center, and the sleep apnea clinic.  Next week, I have a visit to see a sleep doctor.

It's hard to know how to tell the story of my physical and psychological state.  It's complicated, convoluted, and still a work-in-progress.  I'm currently diagnosed with some kind of demyelinating disorder of the central nervous system (sometimes the doctors say it's multiple scerosis, sometimes they reserve judgment).  In short:  I've got lesions in my brain.   I've also got psoriatic arthritis, a kind of inflammatory arthritis that typically attacks the joints in the fingers and toes, as well as connective tissue.  I seem to have it in other joints, too, such as my knees, hips, elbows, and ankles.  I've got fibromyalgia and some kind of vasculitis that attacks my skin and causes enormous painful hives and leaves behind big bruises.  I've got a few sleep disorders (periodic limb movement disorder, hypersomnia [basically, narcolepsy without the cataplexy], and possibly rem sleep behavior disorder.  Then according to the shrinks, there could be some kind of mood related issues or not (but who wouldn't have energy fluctuations and periodic mood swings, given this medical crap), and a possible learning disability.  So much stuff, it sounds absurd. 

The sleep issues have really been getting me down.  I've always talked in my sleep as far back as I can remember but lately it's been pretty much every night.  And I do more than talk:  I scream,  give big long lectures, and gesticulate.  I woke up one night, and I was sitting up in bed, talking to my class, using my arms for emphasis.  Last night, M said I was talking to him in my sleep and I was touching his arm to emphasize my points. Here's where a little bit (or a lot) of internet research is not a good thing:   This seems to be rem sleep behavior disorder; my doctors have tentatively diagnosed me with this, after dismissing the possibility that it might be sleep seizures.  And rem sleep behavior disorder is associated with unpleasant things. . . The research I've seen says horrible things like 50% or so of those diagnosed with it go on to develop Parkinson's Disease, Multiple System Atrophy, or other degenerative brain diseases.  So, sweet, yes.  There's that.  Frankly, that terrifies me and I have no idea what to think.  I'm hoping that the discussion next week with the sleep doctor will clarify things.

Rather than worrying that I'll slowly lose my ability to walk, feed myself, and think clearly, I'll try to focus on planting seeds, mounting cabinets, and fully experiencing my life now.

Afterthought:
This past weekend we took a short walk down by the Shenandoah River.  I found some cool stuff, like a big piece of green glass and a rock that looked like melted metal.  S. went wading in the muck.  I saw an awesome spider and was able to snap a few photos before S. came stomping out of the muck and scared it away.   Also came across a tree on the edge of the water that was covered with beautiful mushrooms in various stages of development.  I was torn between conflicting feelings: the nature was beautiful but the trash scattered everywhere made me despise my fellow humans (who are, after all, a part of nature).