A Progress Report: Looking Back

Prickly pear

Because I've been kind of down, I thought it would be a good idea to think back about progress I've made since last fall in achieving a few of my long-term life goals.  

At an appointment with my rheumatologist last fall for my monthly infusion, I was surprised to find that my weight had jumped up to the highest it had ever been.  I resolved to reduce certain things in my diet (junk food, alcohol, and eating after dinner) and increase my exercise, and I lost fifteen pounds and slowly got more fit. I started to  track my food, exercise, and weight.  But after I lost the weight, I lost interest in tracking things.

I did (mostly) maintain the new eating habits and continued to exercise, and though I wasn't tracking it, my weight dropped, albeit more slowly. About a month ago, I read Michael Pollan's The Omnivore's Dilemma and decided to make a bigger change in my habits: I stopped eating meat, and switched to minimally processed foods.  This was something I'd been thinking about for the last several years, and I believed that they were changes I should make for a variety of reasons, but until recently, I didn't have the energy or motivation to make the actual changes in my cooking and eating habits. Over the winter, though, I gradually started cooking more things from scratch using whole ingredients and I tried out lots of new recipes. That gave me the confidence I needed to feel like I could make the switch to being vegetarian. Also, over the winter, as I began exercising more, I consequently became more aware of the kinds of things I was putting in my mouth to fuel my body and its activity.

It has been a month since I went vegetarian and switched to minimally processed foods. I have noticed one definite change: I have a lot more energy! I also feel much more positive about my ability to take charge of my health. Given the multiple chronic medical conditions I've developed over the last decade and the ongoing pain I deal with on a daily basis, I'd felt a major loss of control over my body. I came to believe that my body controlled me--I had no control over it.

But now that I've retired (due to the chronic health problems), I have more time, energy, and willpower that I can use to focus on making myself healthier. Before, the bulk of that energy went into my job, focused on just getting through the day with the pain and fatigue I experienced, and essentially nothing was left over to take care of myself. Retiring due to the health issues required me to make a major concession to my body, to admit that I could no longer look past the health issues and go on as if they didn't exist. In a sense, retiring required me to admit that I was not able to control over my body.

Ironically, though, retirement has given me the space and time to realize that I can have a great deal of control over my body. Even though there are certain constraints that I must work within due to the chronic health problems, I realize I still have a lot of control over how I feel and how I look. I choose to exercise, to strengthen my muscles and my cardiovascular system, and to reduce my weight. I choose to eat food that is good for me, in order to manage my weight and my mental health.

While my health conditions do effect me, I have some control. I choose to go for a walk rather than take a nap, to fight fatigue and feelings of depression. I choose to lift weights so that I can carry my groceries, now and in the future, and to keep my bones strong so I don't become incapacitated and bedridden as I age. I choose to stay active now, despite the pain, so that I can continue to be active in the future. When I envision my future, when I see myself at 60, 70, and 80, I don't want to see myself lying in bed or on the couch, complaining about how weak and exhausted I am. I want to see myself as a vibrant, active, and capable person, who despite ongoing health challenges, lives a rich and satisfying life.

My fitness has dramatically increased since last fall. I've also lost more weight, a total of 27 pounds. Everyday (except one holiday per week), I either lift weights or do yoga; everyday I take at minimum two slow walks, and (before my heel spurs started to act up), a longer, more aerobic walk.  My latest achievement is on the stationary bike.  I just got a stand for my street bike this week and I've substituted this for my long walk; I've gone from using it for 3 periods of 10 minutes per day, to 2 periods of 15 minutes, to where I am now:  one continuous half hour.  Today, my heart was at about 85% of its maximum for most of that time.  I hope to increase that time to 45 minutes within the next few weeks. 

I still have the same conditions I had back in the fall; I have a lot of pain throughout the day and night, it's very difficult to sit in the car for a trip to the grocery store or in a seat at the movies, and I still sleep about 12 hours a night.  But I feel stronger and fitter and more in control of how my body feels.  So, yeah, that's pretty good, isn't it?