Busy Doing and Thinking

I haven't wanted to pause lately to write posts for this blog.  It seems like every minute is filled with either doing or thinking and I haven't had the time or patience to sit down and be still in my actions or thoughts long enough to compose an entry.  Also, the things I've been doing and thinking are all inter-related so it's difficult to tease them apart and put them them back together in a coherent way using language.  Right now, the sun's going down on yet another full day and I'm making myself sit still here and focus on this entry.

Water Everywhere and Nowhere

We've had leakage problems since right after we moved in:  the kitchen drain leaks (despite multiple attempts to fix it), the hose leading to the kitchen faucet leaks, the bathroom sink hot water pipe leaks (so we shut it off and don't use it), and the hot water in the shower leaks out of the faucet (unless you hit the very narrow sweet spot in turning it between off and on).  Most of these leaks are minor.  The leak in one of the outside frost-proof hand pumps, though, has been steady and significant.  At it's lowest rate of leakage, it has been enough to fill a half-gallon sized container (that we leave there for the birds and animals to drink out of) as well as make a sizable puddle of standing water in the driveway.  It would intermittently get worse and create several puddles and a big muddy area.  Our neighbor fiddled with it at one point, as did we at several point, and we were able to reduce the leak down to the one-puddle mess.  But last week the water started leaking full-force; the water was coming out at the same volume as a half-turned on hose. 

Mike digging out the pump

We tried to block it off by covering the faucet but that didn't work and since it was draining our cistern and we couldn't find a shut-off switch just for that pump, we had to shut off all of our water until we could get the problem fixed.   Note for the future: always install an accessible shut off valve for water leading to all outside faucets.  So:  no running water in the house or to the garden.  In the middle of summer, if the garden is not watered everyday, it will die within a few days.  Even one day without water leads to severe wilting.  Many vegetables, if they get insufficient water while they are at the point of setting seed, will either not set seed or the vegetables will be deformed and inedible. 

There was no apparent quick solution.  While it would have been possible to take apart the pump apart to access what was likely an eroded seal, the pump would have to be taken apart, the new seal would have to be ordered, and the pump reassembled.  This would have taken at least a few days, more likely a week.  Luckily, one of our neighbors had an extra pump that he said we could have now, in exchange for giving him our pump after we replaced the seal.  To replace the pump, Mike had to dig down to where the pump attaches to the pipe, below the frost line, detach the old pump, and attach the new one.  The hole had to be big enough for him to get down in there to do this work. 

While we were figuring out what to do and then digging the hole, we got some water from the store to drink.  We were lucky that it rained on two separate days during the time our water was shut off so the garden was able to limp along over four days until we were able to turn our water back on. 

Unfortunately, due to the leaking pump our cistern had gotten very, very low and even when we were able to turn the water on, there wasn't much there to use.  The garden got top priority, bathing, dish-washing, house cleaning, and laundry were put on hold. 

I took pictures while Mike worked on the pump. Tarantula Hawk Wasps

Even after we turned on the water, the cistern didn't seem to be re-filling at its normal rate; we had about two feet of water, and when we'd check the water level, there'd be no water flowing into the cistern.  It turns out there was a second problem: our pump, which is half-way down to the river level and the level of our shared well, was not working.  We eventually figured out, with the help of another neighbor, that there was a malfunction with the float in the holding tank which is located at the same site as that pump; for some unknown reason, it was hanging up too high and so the pump was not turning on because it thought there was sufficient water in the holding tank.  Thus, no water was being sent up to the cistern by our house. 

But then there was a third problem, down at the level of the river and our shared well:  because the water level in the shared well was so low, the neighbor who monitors it  had changed the timing of the pump so that it would pump water intermittently up to the multiple holding tanks.  The intervals of off-time were intended to allow the water at the river level to not be exhausted.  Because the bottom pump was only pumping intermittently, even after we fixed our pump at our holding tank, it wasn't getting enough water to re-fill our cistern.  So our neighbor changed the interval to make the bottom pump go on more frequently, until our cistern was replenished.  But then another neighbor, the one who very nicely lent us his hand pump and who lives down at the level of the river and next to the shared well, came home and saw that he was having problem with his water.  So he looked at the shared well, and when he saw how low the water level was, he changed the interval of pumping back to its previous and less frequent rate.  That wasn't intended to solve his problem; it was just a response to the dramatically low level of water in the shared well.  His problem was likely caused by a mouse that had fallen into his cistern and was blocking his pipe. 

So here's the main and foundational problem:  the shared well down at the river level, the one that all the households in our neighborhood share, is not re-filling at the rate it is being consumed.  And keep in mind that at this time, our household wasn't even consuming our share of the water, since our water had been shut off due to the previously leaking outside hand pump; and the leaking hand pump, because our float had broken, had only been using the water that had been previously stored in our cistern. The low level of pump at the river level is very worrisome, especially since we've been getting the monsoon season rains for several weeks now.

Which leads me to a recurring theme of this blog (lack of water in the Southwest) and another main area of my thinking and doing lately: finding property in an area with a more dependable source of water. 

Maine?

I've spent many hours over the last six months looking online at land and properties in New Mexico and Colorado, in light of my income and resources.  I've concluded that I can't afford to buy anything and start a homestead here without going into debt and being in debt for a significant amount of time.  One thing I'm considering is cashing out my current retirement funds to buy property and get started homesteading.  If we are living on our own land and can stop paying rent each month, I'll be able to set aside that rent money and over time I'll be able to build that retirement fund back up so that it will be there by the time I reach retirement age. 

But just buying a small number of acres (less than five) here in the Southwest would consume all that money, and I wouldn't have enough to buy land with a livable home already on it or to build a home.  The land would also require an investment to create basic off-grid infrastructure such as a well, pump, and plumbing to the house, septic (a septic permit would be required before a building permit could be issued), and basic solar technology such as panels, an inverter, batteries, and wiring.  A well would likely be very expensive, given how deep the drillers would have to go to find water.  We could not afford to buy land, build a house, and pay for the infrastructure, especially since we'd need to be paying rent while we were building.  Plus, I have additional concerns about the Southwest:  long and short term access to sufficient water for gardening and livestock. 

All of the affordable land that I found in southern Colorado has restrictive covenants that do not allow livestock, outhouses, grey water systems, or un-conventional architecture.  Building must be completed within one year, and well permits in the state only allow water rights for a single residence (ruling out a second small house for my mother) and a small garden (no livestock). This land would also be very remote and would limit my ability to take classes, since there would be no universities nearby.  Much of the land is at a higher elevation, making growing our own food more difficult than it already is.  And it wouldn't have trees that could be cut for heating. 

One remaining possibility is to purchase the land a friend of ours owns in Colorado.  This land already has a tiny house on it, a grey water system, an outhouse, and running water from a well on the property.  I have concerns about this, as well, though.  My main worry is that is at an extremely high elevation and has a very short growing season.  The house, grey water system, pump, and outhouse are not permitted, though they are very well designed and would likely meet the established standards required to get a permit.

The tiny house is very tiny, not big enough to live in long term for just the two of us, a dog, and two cats.  We could live in it short-term while building a second home, and then have my mother move into the tiny house.  But to build a new house, we'd need both funds and to first show a permit for a well and septic system.  We could risk building without a permit, but then we'd be vulnerable if neighbors decided to report us or any authorities noticed building activity.  And since the three of us couldn't all live on the land as it is now, given it's got just a tiny house, we'd still have to pay rent elsewhere, limiting the funds available to buy materials to build a house. 

The other alternative, the one that I'm planning to pursue, is buying property in Maine with a house and a well already on it.  The cost of property there is much lower than it is here.  For the cost of five acres here or in Colorado, I could buy a piece of forested land between five and thirty acres, with a cabin big enough for the three of us and our animals (at least temporarily), a well, and septic.  Much of this land is within half an hour of the ocean, is located in unincorporated areas and thus is subject only to the very limited state-level regulations, and has a pond or stream on it.  Some properties have lake frontage or have a lake within walking distance.  Access to water for household and garden use will not be a problem.  

While the winters are long there, near the coast they are milder and I could grow all kinds of things with the support of cold frames and/or a greenhouse.  Eliot Coleman and Barbara Damrosch's farm, Four Seasons in Harborside, Maine has become a national model for year-round gardening in cold-weather climates.   I am really interested in wildcrafting as well.  I'd like to be able to gather mushrooms, berries, ferns, and other wild plants off of my land for food.  

My father and brother live on Mt. Desert Island in Maine, so I'd be closer to the rest of my family, and I'd have access to my dad's knowledge, skills, and networks as we developed a homestead and built a second home for ourselves or my mother.  

My plan at this point is to take a trip out thee to look at and possibly purchase property as soon as this year's garden winds down, likely in early October. 

 

Finances

Here's something crazy:  Currently, I have over two hundred thousand dollars in student loan debt.  Even when both I and my now ex-husband were working full time as professors at a prestigious university, we could not afford to make payments on both of our student loans.  And we weren't living extravagant life styles, either; we lived in a very modest house in a blue-collar neighborhood and had to commute 45 minutes to get to work, our son went to public school, we had a single car for the two of us, and most of our furniture and belongings came from thrift stores.

Now that I am formally disabled, prematurely retired, and living on disability insurance, there's no possibility that I can pay off my student loan.  So I'm applying to have my loans forgiven, which is possible if you are declared permanently and totally disabled.  There are several technical definitions that are used to determine if you are permanently and totally disabled, and one of them is that you have a condition or conditions that severely impact your ability to engage in substantive work for the past six years or the next six years.  I satisfy this definition so I'm working with my doctor to get the loans written off.

Here's the crazy thing, though: if you have your student loans written off due to disability, the loans are counted as income and you are required to pay income taxes on them.  My tax bracket is likely to be 20-25% of my income, which would mean that if my loans are forgiven, I would owe the federal government roughly $50,000 this year in taxes, just from those loans. 

That makes no sense.  If I'm not working and can't pay my monthly student loan payment due to disability, how am I supposed to come up with the money to pay what is the equivalent of 25% of the total loan amount in a single year? 

After doing some online searching, I found some information that might help me and others similarly situated out.  According to Publication 4681from the IRS, if a person is insolvent, she may not have to declare the forgiven debt as income and thus may not have to pay taxes on it.  To be insolvent according to the IRS standards, the "total of all your liabilities [must be] more than the FMV [fair market value] of all of your assets immediately before the cancellation"(IRS Publication 4681, p. 5). 
I'm sure that the fair market value of all of my assets is less than all of my liabilities, given that the liability for just the loan is $200,000.

I do still own, together with my ex-husband, a house in Maryland, but the debt on that house is roughly equal to its market value.  We're in the process of modifying those loans to get me off of them, through a re-finance of the loans into my husband's name and me filing a quit claim on the property. 

It would be an enormous relief to find myself on a piece of land that could satisfy a large part of my survival needs (shelter, water, heat, food), and debt free.


Gardening
 Just this morning I finished putting the caging and netting around my squash plants.  I've noticed that the ones that I netted last week are now putting out fresh blossoms.  Now that they're protected from the ravenous squirrels, I may just get some cucumbers and summer squash. 

I at the first ripe Cherry Roma tomato yesterday, standing in the garden. 

The yellow and green beans are just about ready for picking.

I planted some kale and red and green lettuce seeds in flats the day before yesterday.  My broccoli, Brussels sprouts, and green and red cabbage seedlings are looking healthy and they're getting their first sets of true leaves.  I've got them outside so they can get used to the intense sunlight and periodic dryness.  Next week, I'll transplant them into the garden. 

I had been thinking that insufficient water of the fruit trees in the fall and spring was responsible for us not having any peaches or apples.  Well, there was a single, sad apple. But I've noticed that many of the local fruit trees don't have fruit on them.  I'm thinking now that it may have been the freezing of the flowers and buds that was responsible.  We had a major storm with hail during the time the buds were out and the hail sat on the buds until it melted.  Maybe it wasn't my fault?  Even so, I know now that the trees need more water and water in the fall and spring, not just the summer. 

Apple blossoms covered with hail; taken April 17

Getting Rid of Stuff

I'm going through all my stuff doing another culling of the in-essential.  So far, I've filled four boxes of books, and three other boxes with miscellaneous stuff.  I advertised my treadmill on Craigslist.  There is still much to get rid of.  Yesterday I added something new, a scanner with a multi-page feeder.  I want to scan most of the paper files I have (and I have many of them) and then get rid of the paper copies and the filing boxes.  I am torn about what to do with all of the books I have accumulated throughout my academic career.  Before I moved, I eliminated about 50% of them.  The ones that remain are ones that I thought I might need to finish writing the two books I was writing.  But now I'm not sure if I'll ever write those books.  I'm not sure what the purpose would be, if it's worth devoting my time and attention to them rather than other things, and if I have the capacity to focus and organize my thoughts long enough to write them.  Regardless, getting rid of these remaining books would be difficult.  It would be equivalent to ending what I have devoted most of my adult life to. 

On the other hand, with my other books, the novels, I've come to see that I am not my books.  I am the same person and I will go on being that person and having meaning in my life regardless of whether or not I have the complete works of Hemingway and Heinlein on my bookshelves. 

I understood early on that I am "not the car I drive" or my "fucking khakis."  But it's much harder to see that I am not my books or my profession.  I am those things, to the extent that they formed me.  Reading those books and engaging in teaching and scholarship made me who I am today.  Letting go of the objects and activities associated with them feels like letting go of myself.  But the material objects that exist on my shelves are not me.  And I don't have to continue to engage in those activities to be who I am now.  I know that.  But still, it's hard. 

Below is one of the best scenes from one of my favorite movies, the "You're Not Your Fucking Khakis" scene from Fight Club: