Signs of Spring and Another Change Coming

Today I can believe that it might finally be spring.  Last night was the first night in months that we didn't have a fire in the wood stove and today too we don't have a fire.

The robins are back.  The fields are bare enough now for them to pick through the grass. I'm wondering if the worms are surfacing and that's what they're eating or if they're just picking through the grass for some other kind of food.

I saw several house flies outside yesterday and last night a moth flew into the house.

We went for our morning walk with the dog and it was so warm that we took off our sweaters.

The garden, though, is still covered with several inches of snow.  I took a walk down there last night and saw that the deer had stomped down most of the deer netting.  Even though the gate was open all winter, I think the deer got into the garden, either through the gate opening or by jumping the fence, and then they couldn't figure out how to get back out and pushed down the netting.  I didn't pull the brussels sprout stalks at the beginning of winter and I can see that they've been gnawed down to nubs. 

Despite the beautiful weather, I'm fighting the remains of a cold and I spent the morning napping on the couch. 

On another front, my mother is waiting to hear from the housing authorities that an apartment has opened up for her in Bar Harbor.  That could happen any day or not for several months.  She has lived with me for eight years now, and I'm really looking forward to each of us having our own places again.  Once she has moved out, we'll be free to downsize considerably--there's no need for us to have such a big house.  Having another person who needed separate living space really constrained our options when we were looking for places last year and before that, it limited the places we could rent. 

It's also difficult for her.  She sees me gardening and canning and remembers when she had her own homestead, and she is unhappy that she no longer has her own place.  This would be difficult for anyone, but she also struggles with mental illness.  Her illness involves delusions about personal identity and her relationship to me. 

While the idea of moving to an apartment was at first difficult for her to imagine, she's now looking forward to living in Bar Harbor, close to the ocean and the farmers market.  There will be a community garden, a library, and a grocery store within walking distance.

For our part, we're looking forward to more privacy, having the house to ourselves, and decreased stress.  Caring for the severely mentally ill is challenging and exhausting, particularly when the person with the illness does not believe that his or her symptoms are due to illness, when the delusions involve the caregiver, and there are no other caregivers to step in and share responsibility.

I hope that with her move to an apartment, we'll find a good balance between providing support for her and caring for ourselves.