Why Do Anything?

Why do anything?  At this point, I don't have an answer in the sense of a reasoned argument about why one ought to do something rather than nothing, or x rather than y.  What I do have is this: I feel a compulsion to do certain things related to satisfying my curiosity, and I enjoy the feelings I experience when I'm learning about something that I've been curious about.   I have a habituated belief that this compulsion and the learning that result from giving in to it are good things and that I become, in some sense, better by learning.  There are arguments that I have made in the past about the nature of the goodness of learning; they no longer have the force to me that they've had in the past.  I can see how learning has instrumental value, in the sense that it can be a means of bringing about desirable ends.  But the ends that I used to find desirable and that used to motivate me are, given my new life circumstances, neither very relevant or motivational.  It's no longer relevant to my circumstances to learn in order to become a more effective teacher; to promote social justice through my academic writings and community activism; to advance in my profession; or to better serve others or the public good through sharing my professional knowledge and skills.  In the past, I would have said that I value learning because it allows me to develop a better understanding of the world and the experiences I have in it. Also, that this learning is desirable because the understanding that results, allows me to more effectively achieve the particular goals or solve the specific problems that I have at any given time. 

But those responses seem to beg the question.  In my current situation I'm in a kind of limbo where the goals and problems I used to have are no longer relevant, and at issue is what goals and problems ought I to adopt in this new life?  What's worth doing?  It's only once I've determined what's worth doing that I would know that there are specific goals and problems that learning could help me to address.   I suppose I could argue that I may as well go on learning until I find some new goals and problems because whatever they may turn out to be, what I've learned is likely to be of some relevance.  But to go a little deeper, why should I seek to find new goals and problems for myself?  What's good about having new goals and problems?

I know that in the past having goals and problems has kept me engaged and interested in being alive.  But frankly, I don't know why being engaged and interested in being alive (or even being alive) are good things.  That is to say, I can't think of any reasons to justify being interested in being alive and being alive.

What I can say is that, overall, I want to be alive and I want to learn.  It's not that being alive and learning are pleasurable, although sometimes they are.  Often they're unpleasant and outright difficult and painful.  And sometimes I'm just bored and not interested in learning or even really being alive in the sense of continuing to have experiences and thoughts.

I need to think more about the possibility that learning has intrinsic value.  Really, though, I've never been sure what that could even mean.